Life Experiences, longreads

An open letter to the man who showed me what love is

My love, do you remember our first Valentines Day together? It was Wednesday, my love. You called me after finishing your work at 11 pm and asked me if I can wait for you. I thought you were kidding because it was a four hour travel and you still have work the next day. But you said, “no, I am already on my way to the bus station”. You reached our house at 3 am. You gave me chocolates and we talked and laughed for an hour and then we fell asleep. At 7 am, your alarm sounded and you got ready to travel for four hours again to reach your office. I know you’re tired and with little sleep but as you were leaving, you gave me a radiant smile and you kissed me on the cheek. And I fell deeper in love with you right then.

My love, do you remember when after one and a half hour trek, we reached the top of Marlboro Mountains? We are surrounded by our guide and vanmates but you didn’t care, you shouted at the top of your voice, “I love you so much baby”. I wasn’t able to shout back how much I love you too because I was giddy with happiness.

My love, do you remember the time we went swimming with my family? How you carried my three nieces and two nephews on your back simultaneously, going back and forth into the water. I told you, “enough, rest for a while, I know you are tired”, but you only smiled at me and continued to indulge them.

My love, do you remember the time you invited me to your house for the first time to meet your family? I went there and your mother told me, “come, we will eat, my son told me these are your favorite foods and he asked me to prepare it”. And I know I have to do my best to make your mother like me, and I know I succeeded my love.

My love, do you remember the time we were playing cards against my sister and my brother? We weren’t very good at it my love. And I was teasing you, you were teasing me back, my siblings were teasing us and we were losing and our pride is in pulp but we didn’t care because we were laughing too much.

My love, do you remember the night we talked about our future? We are full of hope and dreams. We were going to relocate to another country where we will both study and work at the same time. You said it will be hard work, but you will bear the brunt so I won’t have to. You said whatever comes our way, we can endure because we are together.

My love, do you remember the time we talked about the names of our future children? I shuffled the letters of your name and told you I will name our daughter with that. You said no, that we should name them after me and you hoped that they will resemble me and how you can’t wait to hold them in your arms.

My love, do you remember the time we were in the car going to the airport? It was time for me to leave the country for work. The radio was playing and the lyrics of the song was like this, “promise me, you’ll wait for me cause I’ll be saving all my love for you”. I couldn’t help it and I cried. You wiped my tears and told me, “yes, we will be apart for one year but after that, you will come home and we will be together for good.” You really knew how to make me feel better.

That is why I couldn’t believe it my love, when six months after you made me that promise, you told me you were leaving me for another girl. My love, you didn’t even gave me a hint that your love for me was wavering. Until that moment you told me you were leaving, I am certain of your love for me.

My love, even though you ended our story like this, I am not angry. I am hurting, yes. But I am not angry. How could I when you treated me so well? When you loved me so well. I will choose to remember that my love.

But my love, I am writing this now as my way of saying goodbye to you. I am reliving our story and then I am closing the book. Because as much as I want to remember how much you loved me, I also need to remember how you broke my heart. And from then my love, I am praying for my healing to start.